Léa's Diary
How important is your social life to you? How important is your family life to you? How about working hours? Does it bother you to work long hours or at night? Do you need a routine? Those were some of the questions I was asked during my interview to get into film school. At the time I thought they were quite strange, but I didn’t think twice about them. Now, looking back, I understand why they asked me those questions. Life on set, being self-employed, balancing your social life… all of these require big adjustments working in the film industry. I have nearly quit the industry three times because of the combination of these variables. Last year, I gave myself one more chance at this industry and now, more than ever, I completely love my job. However, I still struggle to navigate its challenges and changes sometimes.
Financial instability and starting out
Stepping into this wonderful world of film will mean a great deal of adaptation. No one tells you in film school all the responsibility that is suddenly dumped on you at the start of your career. On top of trying to find that person who will be willing to help train you and learning everything on the job, you need to think about how this will affect your financial situation and status . It involves a lot of catching up to do: setting yourself up as self-employed, knowing how to correctly and fairly charge for your hours worked, chasing money owed to you, filling out tax returns, building up your personal kit, and most especially, coping financially when some of the times you have to work for free to gain experience and build your network of people. It’s a lot to take in at first and it can become a big panic factor. I wasn’t taught any of this while studying and I didn’t know many people at the time who could point me in the right direction. It was only when I started working in my film school’s kit room after graduating that I was made aware about a lot of these things.
The kit room was run by freelancers of the industry, so I asked them a bunch of questions about what I had to do. As soon as I got back home, I went on the HMRC website and registered as self-employed - first step done. Once I went on professional sets a bit more regularly, I kept hearing more rules about how to charge for my hours and, was, again, a bit lost. I asked as many questions as I could: how much I should be charging? How much is a lunch penalty? Overtime (OT)? What happens when you’re PAYE? How do I fill in a dailies form? So many questions! Find a person you trust and get along with (ideally your mentor or your superior) and just ask. In the meantime, it’s a good thing to go and check out the ratecards on BECTU as a reference - second step done.
Finally, building your personal kit. It can be quite frustrating to want to build your own kit, especially when you work for free to meet new people and grow your network and experience. You either don’t know what to get or you can’t afford it, or both, and feel like you’re never going to get there. This made me quite anxious for a while as I wanted to be taken seriously, but didn’t think I could afford any of it at the beginning. My advice: be smart. I was working in a kit room and every now and again I saw bags or stationary that weren’t being used so I just asked my bosses if I was allowed to take them, since they were old and weren't being used. Most of the time they would say yes! One day I came to the kit room and wondered if they would swap my cheap clapperboard for their really nice and professional looking one, and to my surprise they also said yes! Additionally, when starting as trainee, your focus puller or clapper loader will most likely give you things like tape or pens or even a pouch for free (don’t ever expect this though). It takes time to build your kit, you’ll be able to afford the things you need for the job eventually. It took me about a year and a half to properly build my AC kit and I’m still in need of some things. I know it’s frustrating, but be patient, work hard, ask questions and you’ll be fine.
Days Working vs. Days Off
Some months are really busy and some months are really slow. That’s the just the way it is. It is a strange dynamic to accept, and it took me a while to do so.
When I’m working I have to be completely switched on from the start of a twelve hour day (minimum) to the very end. I put all my energy into my work, as I have a millions things to think about and anticipate during the day, and I cannot let go of that concentration until wrap is called. Some days are fantastic days and some days are bad ones. Not really being allowed to make mistakes, and always needing to problem solve within a time limit, can be as thrilling as it can be daunting and nerve wrecking. Luckily, I’m addicted to the adrenaline and the opportunities the job gives me. I get to work with lovely people, in all sorts of locations - from dodgy caves to beautiful manors, in various countries and continents - and on all sorts of different projects. Some projects I’ve worked on have been so outstanding and emotionally charged that I have actually cried from happiness after getting home from work.
What is difficult is when the final wrap of a project is called, as you go from being tied to a strict schedule of being told where to go at what time, what to do, riding in which truck, what to eat and when… You then are bound to your home for an undetermined period of time, where you don’t really know what’s happening, and feel quite sad that the project is finished. I had no idea how much the high and lows of this industry would affect me, but it used to be a huge struggle. I was constantly blue during my days off, and was always questioning my abilities, which inevitably increased my self-doubt. I was caught in a downward spiral.
I often felt like I was worthless because I had a couple days off and wasn’t getting the call for a job. Even when you get more experience, these quieter periods will also come. This October was a horrible month for me. I had a really busy winter and summer and when October hit, I had nothing. One job here, one job there, but nothing more. It was incredibly hard, especially because everyone you know is working, or at least you see everyone posting about work on social media. I started overthinking and didn’t know what to do with myself. My housemates all had work at their stable jobs as well, which made me feel even more horrible, insecure and even began to feel ashamed. I had become so used to having somewhat regular work, that the moment the ‘work-drought’ hit for me, I took it quite badly.
I didn’t want to stay in this state of mind, so I just tried to occupy myself and be productive. I started by re-organising my floor bags and run bag - it usually takes me at least half a day to tidy up and replace consumables, tapes on my film cores, clean my pouches, my floor marks, and making sure the bags are ready to go for the next job. Then, I took care of emails I needed to send out for work (eg. sending invoices or replying to the email chain regarding missing items on jobs if there are any - it’s super important to reply to these emails promptly!) and finished by updating my CV and sending it out alongside an email to people I wanted to work with. I’d read camera manuals sometimes, watch some comparisons of lenses online, or some masterclasses on CookeTV. Most importantly I’d try and do something fun like brunch or pub nights with friends! Cinema or Museum days! Catching up with my family on FaceTime! Watching a silly show that doesn’t require any brains! Meditating! Doing yoga (super important for your physical health)! Having a big lazy day! Dressing up for no particular reason (being on set can make you feel really grubby so I like having a self care day where I can feel beautiful again)!
Creating a focused and relaxed environment got me back on track and not long after that, jobs started to come back my way again. Come winter I was pretty much fully booked from November to February. As I said before, it’s very hard to make peace with the quiet months and it can really mess up your mind, so I’d recommend using those days to invest time in yourself so that you look forward to having time off, as well as working.
Can I Have A Social Life?
My answer to every ‘Will you be there?’ question I get from my family is always ‘Hopefully but who knows?’. Planning in advance is near to impossible.
I have spoken to a lot of people whilst at uni about fears of not having a social life in this industry, and realised that it was constantly on peoples’ minds. Personally, I haven’t had too much trouble with balancing my social life with my work life whilst in London, but that’s mostly because I’m usually working on commercials, short films, music videos, documentaries, dailies on TV, second unit shoots or indie films that don’t exceed a month or two of work. This allows me to still have time to see friends during the week or on evenings. Don’t get me wrong, it has happened where my schedule is so full that I don’t have time or energy to meet up with friends for several weeks.
Visiting my family and friends from home in France is just as important as my work life, so I try and make time for them when I can. I plan my holidays around the quiet months and just hope I don’t have to turn down too many jobs during that time. I believe that it’s incredibly important to not dismiss your social life. I always feel like I should be hiding the fact that I’m on holiday rather than on set, but taking time for yourself to recover from work and enjoying a little holiday is allowed, and shouldn’t make you anxious and feel guilty. Yet somehow it still does. I can never be totally switched off either. I can be tanning on a beach, skiing down gorgeous slopes, or on a road trip around Japan and I’d still be repeatedly checking my phone and emails to see if any jobs have come up. It can be quite draining sometimes. This year, I planned for a 3 week holiday with my parents and I decided to cut it short as I got booked on an awesome job. I felt as much relief - getting a job in January - as guilt because I had to tell my family once again that I have to go back to London earlier than expected which is not what they want to hear when I can only see them about 3 times a year…
Thankfully, they understood my decision. You have to be surrounded by people who understand the nature of your job and who’ll accept the fact that there will be times when you’ll be able to make it to a gathering or a holiday and there will be times when you won’t. And a lot of plans will get cancelled last minute.
I am very close with my family and friends, and I love my work. In the end, it’s all about mastering the balancing act between the two. However, it’s very important you don’t forget: when you’re starting out, you need to prioritise your career over your social life, put in the work, and do everything you can to establish yourself in this industry. As you gain experience, it’ll be easier to find balance between your work and social life.
Conclusion
On the more positive side, we are lucky to live in a time where we can talk about these worries and struggles, as mental health is now considered as important as physical health. If you feel like you need to seek some help regarding any kind of worries when at work or when feeling overwhelmed during your days off, there are many services you can turn to. One of them specifically is The Film & TV Charity. They have a 24/7 support phone line service and it is now becoming a norm to see their number at the bottom of call sheets (in case you’re feeling like you need immediate help). You can get in touch with them on this number: 0800 054 0000.
Don’t be discouraged and keep holding on to the positives. Here are the positives I tell myself: you are constantly surrounded by extremely talented people, you get to be outside on your feet all day, getting loads of exercise (I once had to run up and down fourteen flights of stairs for a whole morning, it definitely improved my cardio!), you film in a variety of locations that you thought you’d never be privileged enough to film in, you get to travel to different countries (so far I’ve been to India, Switzerland, France, Scotland, Ireland), and most importantly, you are part of the making of an incredible project! Plus, you won’t find a job that is more fun and rewarding than this one!
You can do this!
Speak soon,
Léa xx
